EP196 S06: Unshakeable Power- The Key to Unstoppable Success
Picture this: You’re in a meeting, and your colleague takes credit for your idea. Your heart races, your jaw clenches, and you feel that familiar surge of anger. What do you do next? Most of us either explode or completely shut down. But what if I told you there’s a third option that could change everything?
Today, we’re diving into how to stay in your power when life tries to knock you down.
#AdvancedQualityPrograms #TheQUalityGuy #YourPower
Let me tell you about my friend, Nikki. She was devastated after being passed over for a promotion. Her initial thought was, “My manager doesn’t respect me.” But with some advice, she explored alternative perspectives using ideas I’ll share with you today. Soon after, she landed a more senior position. Let’s find out how.
Let me start with one of the most eye-opening insights I’ve encountered about personal power. It comes from Ron Carucci, a fellow member of the Marshall Goldsmith Top 100 Coaches. After 15 years of studying executives, he found something striking: the greatest abuse of power is not using it.
This completely challenges what most of us believe about power, right? Many think power is inherently negative manipulative, selfish, controlling. But here’s the truth: those behaviours arise when someone holds a position of power but isn’t truly in their power.
So, what does being in your power actually mean? It means having a grounded sense of self sovereignty, agency, and inner worth. You’re not seeking validation or trying to control others. Instead, you know how to return to a place of clarity and confidence within yourself.
This is the heart of the book In Your Power: React Less, Regain Control, Raise Others, by Sharon Melnick. We all get knocked out of our power at times whether we’re overlooked at work, facing conflict, or dealing with personal challenges. These moments hijack our emotions and lead to reactions that make everything worse.
That’s where the “12 Power Portals” come in. Let me share them with you: precision, perspective, physiology, purpose, psyche, proficiency, persuasion, partnership, protection, powerful truth, people, and position. Each portal offers a unique way to reconnect with your power.
But today, I want to focus on one of the most effective ones: physiology.
Here’s what happens when you’re emotionally triggered: your body enters a stress response, releasing hormones like cortisol and adrenaline. Most people try to think their way out of this, but here’s the secret: to return to calm, you must complete the stress cycle.
Let me be specific about this. That might mean dancing, crying, hitting a pillow, or simply breathing deeply. The goal is to release the energy, so it doesn’t control you. Try this with me right now: take a deep breath in for four counts, hold for four, breathe out for six. Feel that shift?
Once you’ve moved through the emotion, here’s the next step: you can refill with something positive joy, music, connection. This resets your nervous system and restores your sense of agency. That’s what it means to be in your power: to respond with clarity, not react from fear.
Now, let’s talk about what triggers are. A trigger is any situation that makes you feel out of control, often because it echoes past experiences where you felt powerless or unsafe. These moments reactivate deep emotional responses, making it hard to stay grounded.
Here’s one of the most effective ways to navigate a trigger: connect with someone who feels emotionally safe someone who can hold space for your feelings without judgment. Their calm presence can help regulate your nervous system and restore a sense of safety.
Remember this amid emotional pain: it’s easy to forget that you’ll feel good again. But these moments are temporary. The key is to use tools that help you move through the intensity and reconnect with your sense of self.
One of the most powerful tools I can give you is reframing. Here’s a simple but transformative question to ask: “Why might this be happening for my benefit?” This shifts your mindset from victimhood to agency and opens the door to growth.
Remember my client, Nikki, who was devastated after being passed over for a promotion. Her initial thought was, “My manager doesn’t appreciate me.” But when she explored alternative narratives using this question, she realized the role wasn’t aligned with her goals, looked for a more suitable one, and soon landed a more senior position.
The takeaway? Emotions are valid, but they don’t have to define your reality. When you move through them and examine the stories behind them, you reclaim your agency and with it, the power to respond with clarity and intention.
Here’s something people often ask me: should we quickly shift to something positive when we feel bad, or are these feelings trying to tell us something important? The answer lies in balance.
First, move the emotion through your body through breath, movement, or expression to regain clarity. Once grounded, then you can reflect on what the emotion is about.
Here’s why this matters: intense reactions often stem from the story we tell ourselves about a situation. If you carry self-doubt, you may interpret events through that lens, seeking validation and assigning meaning that keeps you stuck.
So, here are the three things I want you to remember:
- Your nervous system is the gateway to your personal power learn to regulate it.
- Complete the stress cycle first, then examine the story behind your trigger.
- Ask yourself: “What if this is happening for me, not to me?”
Your nervous system is the gateway to your personal power. Learning to regulate it and move through emotional waves with intention is one of the most transformative skills you can develop. It’s not about never getting triggered it’s about knowing how to return to center when you do.
And here’s my challenge for you: the next time you feel that familiar stress response, try one of the 12 Power Portals. Start with physiology complete that stress cycle. Then ask yourself the reframing question.
Thanks again for your ratings and comments on my books, Life Quality Projects and Principles of Quality. Get ready for The Quality Mindset, coming soon!