EP170: The Five Love Languages
Do you want to learn how people express and understand love?
According to Chapman, there are five emotional love languages based on his years of relationship therapy. Identifying and learning to speak our partner’s primary love language can contribute to a lasting relationship.
#AdvancedQualityPrograms #TheQualityGuy #LoveLanguage.
Gary Chapman, a relationship expert, says there are five love languages based on his years of experience in couples therapy. Learning and using our partner’s primary love language can help us have a lasting relationship.
Sometimes we believe that true love lasts forever. But when the initial phase of “falling in love” passes, we begin to see reality and express our own needs. Some couples think that this means the end of happiness or that they must start over.
There is a better option: understand that the “falling in love” phase is temporary and look for “true love” with our partner.
Our partner’s complaints show us their primary love language. It’s important to love our partner consistently, even when they don’t respond positively.
According to Gary Chapman, the five love languages are:
- Words of Affirmation
- Quality Time
- Receiving Gifts
- Acts of Service
- Physical Contact
Chapman uses the analogy of the “emotional love tank.” He says that keeping this tank full for our partner is just as important as maintaining the oil level in a car. When our partner’s emotional love tank is full, they feel happy and fulfilled.
Making requests shows the value and skills of our partner, without demanding love. Tone can contradict words, so choose to live free from past failures. Verbal compliments and appreciation show love. Words of encouragement are also important; understanding what is important to our partner ensures meaningful support.
If our partner’s primary love language is quality time, they want to spend time with us. Doing activities together shows that we value them and enjoy their company. A quality conversation means a meaningful exchange of experiences, thoughts, and feelings in a friendly environment. While words of affirmation focus on what we say, a quality conversation emphasizes listening. We should give advice only when asked and never be condescending.
Set up a daily sharing session in which each partner discusses three significant events from their day along with the associated emotions. This practice is the “Minimum Daily Requirement” for maintaining a healthy relationship. Reflect on the question, “What emotion is my partner experiencing?” Then, check your understanding with them. For example, you might say, “You seem to be disappointed that I forgot.”
A quality activity needs one person to want to do it, the other person to be willing, and both to understand that it is to express love by being together. A gift shows consideration and remembrance. In a crisis, physical presence is the most powerful gift if your partner’s primary love language is receiving gifts.
Acts of service involve doing things that your partner enjoys. Love is a daily choice. Expressing love in your partner’s preferred way is the most effective. People often criticize in areas where they need emotional support. Don’t assume that what you like will please your partner. Men may think that physical contact is their primary love language because of a strong sexual desire, but sexual problems usually stem from unmet emotional needs. If critical words hurt you, your love language could be words of affirmation.
Chapman suggests three ways to discover your primary love language:
- What does your partner do or not do that hurts you most deeply? The opposite of what hurts the most is probably your love language.
- What have you asked your partner for the most? This is probably what makes you feel most loved.
- In what ways do you regularly express love to your partner? Your method of expressing love can indicate what would also make you feel loved.
Almost never do two people fall in love or fall out of love on the same day. Chapman calls this the “imbalance of the ‘loved’ experience.” Love isn’t the answer to everything, but it creates a climate of safety where you can seek answers to the things that bother you. Can affective love be reborn in a relationship? Yes. The key is to learn your partner’s primary love language and choose to speak it.
So what about the quality philosophies in this book? Well, nothing influences the quality of our life, profession, or results more than relationships, especially those closest to us. Not only is it important to keep our partner’s love tank full, but it’s also crucial to look at the love tanks of our immediate relationships if we want to maintain a healthy environment, life, communication, and outcomes.
In the case of direct relationships outside of our loved ones and family, we may not be able to fill their tanks, but we can show empathy for their situation. This will strengthen our ties and improve our communication and results.